Ten Things I Hate about “I Know What you Did Last Summer’

1. Poor little rich kid. I have a feeling you’re supposed to sympathise with the characters, I think this stems from the fact they’re all good looking teenagers and the film lacks any sort of humour or irony. I’m actually supposed to be scared or upset when Ryan Phillipe gets slammed by a car? REALLY? He spends the whole movie screaming, and acting like an ***. He lives in a huge mansion and is a spoiled brat. honestly, I hate stupid little rich kids.

2. No Blood.

3. The deaths aren’t fun. I understand, it’s PG-13, no gore or incredible deaths… but they could have at least made them interesting. Only SMG’s demise comes close to being moderatelyl interesting, and I only think it’s because they ripped off some other movie.

4. The boys are too clean-shaven. It’s ugly and annoying. A really obvious way of pushing the whole “we’re in our mid/late 20s” but we’re playing teenagers thing. No wonder teens hae serious body image issues. I’ve never seen a 16 year old kid look like Freddie Prince Jr., or have the body of Sarah Michelle Gellar, who is the only person in this film to ever show an ounce of talent. Why does she make so many crappy films?

5. Jennifer Love Hewitt’s good girl. Ugh, fitting in with the extreme, virginal good girl. It’s more than just an overused horror stereotype, the writing and Hewitt’s performance don’t give the film any edge. At least in Halloween, Jamie Lee Curtis as the virgin/matronly heroine had sexual desires, and was strong. Hewitt is a weepy, one-note actress who can’t make her character remotely interesting. I hate her bangs too, and her outfits. At least they put Sarah Michelle Gellar in all those skimpy/slutty outfits, Hewitt is always in these loose fitting hippy crap. The hippies were about free love man, show us some titties!

6. “False surprises” Another really lame horror technique, especially when used so often and so badly. There are films that can pull this off, but this one manages to **** it up incredible. ZOMG! A coat! ZOMG! Someone tapped my window! ZOMG! Someone was standing behind me! ZOMG! ZOMG! ZOMG!

7. Lame villain. No charisma, no personality, and not very scary. There isn’t an ounce of creativity in him Completely derivitive of so many other slasher villains and urban legends crap.

8. Product Placement. Drink Coke!

9. What is the biggest problem with PG-13 horror? It doesn’t have the safe guard that R crappy horror does, boobs, nudity and sex. The movie knows how bad it is, it knows what people want… the girls are prancing around like meat, being as slutty as they can be without being completely offensive to parents who let their teens watch horror and violent films. Even the Faculty had boobs. Really, this film would be watcheable if there was some nudity and some sex. Not good, but watcheable.

10. It’s difficult coming up with a tenth example, too much crappiness. Bad dialogue, bad make-up, bad acting (though, Sarah Michelle Gellar is actually decent… I don’t know, she actually seems real), Sarah Palin-isms, too long, absolutely no sense of humour, ugly, sexless (not only in the sense that there is no sense, but it lacks completely in lust or such an infantile understanding of romance or relationships… it’s so grade school), bad music… uhhh other things. It’s a crap movie. Also, the fact it has MORE than one sequel is baffling.

6 responses to “Ten Things I Hate about “I Know What you Did Last Summer’

  1. I’m afraid there’s no contradiction between all that “free love” talk and the loose-fitting hippie crap!: hippies want to give away what nobody wants!

    But on another note: did you let your brother write this or were you just going for a different “tone”?! [lol]

  2. Poor thing!– well, there’s still Halloween for a refreshingly exhilarating scarefest or two.

    I think “Rosemary’s Baby” might be a nice, chilled-with-analytic-rigor sort of film to cap off your horrorthon, and while there are no boobies (that I recall!), I think Mia’s butt sashays onto the screen during the big dream sequence. That Mia was a homewrecking hippie for sure in her time . . . .

  3. Hopefully I’l have time for it, for sure up coming I have The Birds and Carrie. Rosermary’s Baby might be put into it too. I don’t mind if there is no nudity :p But if the movie is REALLY bad, they might as well go for the lowest common denominator. Who hates boobs?

  4. if I remember right, there might’ve been some full-frontal action near the beginning when she and Cassavetes get it on in their furniture-less living room the night they move in.

  5. I’ll bury this embarassing “boob-related” topic here: recently my eye was caught by an issue of “Macleans” magazine on the stand touting a cover article about “How to lead the simple life.” I came back looking for it the other day, figuring I could use some help on that.

    But it had already been replaced by a new issue, which features as a sidebar on the Maple Leaf food recall [I think I’ve eaten their cookies before] some nudie ballet from your national academy/school whatever of that art form.

    Now of course, this kind of High Art Trash is nothing new (though of course the article’s author tried to make it sound that way], but I’ve been transfixed ever since by the scary/pretty ballerina with the faux-hawk and the see-through mesh unitard, with a tiny belt-like expanse of black strategically covering the nipple-equator. So pathetic, so tritely “avant-garde”, so anorexic-chic . . . –But yeah, I’ve really got the hots for her! lol

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